The Night Watch
December 8, 2022
My phone rang this morning at 2 am. This is a very unsettling time to receive a phone call. In a dozy fog, I picked up the phone to hear, “Luna is panting a lot and seems uncomfortable.” My son has been keeping the Night Watch with Luna for this final week before her due date, and has been sleeping near her whelping pen. I suggested he let her go outside to potty. She settled, and was comfortably back to sleep.
False alarm. Perhaps an overreaction on my son’s part, but he wasn’t the only one who experienced a moment of panic in the wee hours of the morning awaiting labor.
I couldn’t get back to sleep. As I write this, I have been awake since 2 am. When Jordan called and assumed Luna was in labor, my first thought was to schedule a sub for the day. I simply couldn’t go to school and teach while my sweet Luna was delivering her first litter. I would have to make sure and text my principal by 6 am. I had a plan. But then, quickly, in the darkest moments before dawn, more sinister thoughts entered my mind. What if there are complications? Do I have the vet on speed dial? What if I have to get her to an emergency vet clinic? Which clinic is closer? What if she has a huge litter and can’t feed them all? What if she gets mastitis? What if a puppy isn’t breathing? What if, God forbid, Luna isn’t a good mother? And what if we lose a puppy? All these scenarios are possible, but not probable. In the darkness, for some reason, black thoughts have strange power. Insomnia is inevitable.
The sunrise brought optimism back.
I am not an expert dog breeder. I am always learning and seeking opportunities to improve my breeding stock and provide my dogs with the best possible care. I love educational opportunities. I binge-watch dog training series, take classes, take copious notes at the vet, videotape an ultrasound, record X-Ray results, examine pedigrees, research DNA, and ask a lot of questions. I truly love this stuff! I am a breeder with honesty and integrity. I do my very best.
But in the night, those thoughts evaporate and I’m shrouded in self doubt.
We are approaching the Winter Solstice – the longest night of the year. The sun sets too early and the nights seem endless. Luna’s delivery looms. In the beauty and brightness of day I imagine the miraculous process of a mother’s nurturing instinct. I hear the soft mewls of wet wiggles. I see Luna’s intense blue-eyed gaze as she trusts me with her pups. I cannot contain my thrill and excitement. These are bolstering thoughts for an anxious vigil.
My son Jordan has created a comfortable space for the Night Watch. There are separate sleeping areas near the whelping pen. I will sleep in the downstairs bed. He will have his room upstairs. He has filled the pantry with snacks. There is coffee and cream- most of the essentials.
On this Whelping Eve and Solstice Night Watch, I am promising myself to contemplate the thoughts that give me joy in the daylight. In the darkness I’ll remember the reason I breed these blessed animals with souls. I am preparing my mind. And, along with snacks and coffee, my son has promised to hand me a full-bodied glass of Merlot as soon as all the puppies are feeding! We will raise our glasses to Luna and Auggie, new life, the end of the Night Watch, and longer days after the Solstice.
